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Senior Year….

Daydreaming: Tomorrow school will begin. I’ll walk in felling like I run this school. That I can do whatever I want and no one can stop me. I’ll speak my mind in class, voice my opinions, influence others positively, and big out new ideas. My whole fashion sense will be completely altered and I’ll have the all new clothes. I’ll reconnect with the friends I had last year as if I just saw them the day before. I’ll write the most original essay for my college application and get a full ride to University despite my grades. Money will never be tight and gas prices will drop dramatically. My boyfriend would get a full ride to college and would have to worry about money. And we’ll all live happily ever after. 

Reality: Tomorrow school will begin. I’ll walk in like I do every year and stand on the sidelines as I cheer on everyone else and push them forward to reach their goals instead of mine. I’ll sit in my classes and keep my thoughts and opinions to myself so that no one will hate me and no one will think I’ve insulted them. I’ll wear the same old clothes I’ve always wore, nothing will change. The friends that I had the year before have drifted in different directions and and found better friends but so have I too. I’ve made friends and I’ve lost friends. Because of my grades throughout high school I will never be able to go to a 4 year university and not have to worry about money and grades. Because of the economy, gas prices are far to high to drive around with friends or even drive friends home after school. My boyfriend is struggling to come back up here and is worried he’ll never get out of that place, while I’m sitting up here not able to help him.

It’s going to be an interesting year…

:l

I feel fat and I am fat. I’m afraid to eat anything. And when I do eat I feel like a failure. I’m terrified of trying clothes on, nonetheless trying prom dresses on. My friends are crazy skinny and then there’s me. The one who takes up space. I’m uncomfortable with my body. Actually I hate everything about my appearance. My hair isn’t very thick. I have a non-existent butt (the fat went everywhere but there). My arms, legs, and stomach are disgusting. Prom is going to be…interesting.

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